Am I Human? Or Am I Teacher?

Nine weeks into the course. Two weeks in a primary school and seven back at uni. Next week, I will start my first “big girl placement”. No half term break. Not even a day off until Christmas. I haven’t had a guilt free nap, shopping spree or Netflix-binge since August.

Kids - don’t do teaching for the holidays.

All jokes aside, I can honestly say that the past few months have been amongst the best of my not-so-young life. I say ‘not-so-young' because I recently overheard a conversation between a few first-year students whose biggest worry was whether or not to pay their TV licence fee. Takes me back...

Having spent two years out of uni, I was a bit worried that I would have forgotten absolutely everything. Granted I got lost a few times in induction week (having to explain that yes you did go here for undergrad but no you've no idea where to find the School of Social Science building is just a tiiiny bit embarrassing), but overall it wasn't too hard to settle back into the routine again. 

My undergrad degree consisted of about two afternoon lectures a week. This time around it is a lot more intense, with 9am starts and only a brief 30 mins to dash for coffee between classes. 

In a short space of time we have covered everything from lesson planning, subject knowledge, behaviour management, figuring out your own personal style as a teacher, how to be confident in the face of children, how to pretend you know everything about everything and what is the most appropriate way to slate Trump in every single lesson that you teach. 

The days may be long but they are certainly not dreary. Being in quite a small class means that you get to know everyone, and you'll find that a sense of camaraderie develops quickly whilst queueing in Greggs.

At times, you may feel like you know nothing but when a guest speaker comes in and you are able to understand and contribute to the topic at hand, you realise that you have actually absorbed quite a lot. 

Teaching is something that you definitely need to do for the right reasons. But if you care about young people, your subject and making an impact then don't let all the stuff about the lack of jobs put you off. It is not an easy or straightforward career choice. Looking back at all of the amazing teachers I had over the years, I can't believe the amount of time and energy they must have put into their students. (If they are reading this now and feel like offering any tips, it would be much appreciated 😂)

Would love to see Professor Trelawney's medium term plans.

2016 Laura would probably never believe that 2018 Laura would be sat in her room on a Tuesday night, so I guess you could say that the PGCE has really helped me to grow as a person. I feel like I have learnt so much, but also can't believe they are going to let me loose on real-life teenagers in just a few days.

Admittedly, I probably will not be updating this blog regularly. I would like to say that it's because I will be so busy writing lesson plans. Realistically I'll be crying in a store cupboard in an undisclosed school in Omagh. 

Truth be told, I am only writing this now because I am procrastinating instead of working on an essay. (I told myself I would not leave everything to the last minute this time around, but old habits die hard). That said, if anyone knows someone who is considering doing TEFL or a PGCE course, please point them in this direction 😊

TEFL to PGCE

If you had asked me as a child what I wanted to do when I grew up, I would have said I wanted to be an author without missing a beat. I loved reading, hoarded books and even kept a little, tiny notepad stuffed with novel ideas that would have almost definitely turned out to be bestsellers if I hadn’t left it in the pocket of my school pinafore and put it through the washing machine.

Long term this is still my goal, I do definitely want to write. But something that ten year old me didn’t bank on was student debt, the cost of petrol, the cost of food, the cost of a crippling shopping addiction and a penchant for expensive gin. 

At eighteen I skipped off to uni to study English Lit with Creative writing, and loved every second of it. At twenty one I graduated and suddenly found myself in the real world, where my scribbles in a now slightly larger and fancier notebook didn’t quite equate to paying my phone bill. I knew that I needed to get a job; I just didn’t know what that should be. I had worked part-time in shops, bars, crèches and offices but none of this had really lit a fire under me. And I knew I was the type of person who needed to be passionate about what they were doing. 

Unsure of the next step I signed up to teach English as a Foreign Language in China. I initially headed off with a desire to see a different culture, travel and experience new things, i.e. run away from my problems and ignore my lack of direction. Over the course of the almost-year that I was there though, I discovered that I really liked teaching. I had not really considered it as a career before. To be fair, I hadn’t really considered much career-wise. But one month in I knew I enjoyed it. I loved standing up, moving around, interacting with people, discussing different things every day and even the less active stuff (like planning, marking and having to be in bed early so that I would have the energy to handle a bunch of children at 8am) was great. More than this I found that I really cared for the students and wanted to see them progress and achieve their full potential.

This led me to apply for the PGCE when I returned from my travels. In TEFL the lessons were focused on the structure of the language, helping students to understand grammar, learn vocabulary and speak fluently. I enjoyed this of course, but when I think back to my own time at school and imagine teaching the likes of Austen, Shakespeare and Morrison, well I will save that particular nerd-out for another time. But basically I am really looking forward to the year ahead and hope that I can pass my love of reading and writing onto others. It’s taken me a while but I have finally found something that I will be excited to get out of bed in the mornings for.

So overall, what I’m saying is; if you don’t know what to do with your life yet, just sign up to a random company on the internet, hop on a plane and go to Asia. (EDIT: Mostly joking here, at least Google them to make sure they are reputable).

Over the course of the year I hope that I can turn this into some sort of ‘how to survive your PGCE year’ type thing, I have heard that it is an intense yet incredible year and it would be great to have the blog to go back and reminisce over when I am unemployed. 

The reality is that I will probably post twice and forget all about it 😶😶😶

Letter From A Little Girl

I see you half one slice of bread  

And pop it in the toaster 

I wonder why you’re doing that 

And follow suit thereafter

I see you plucking at your skin 

Saying how you must get thin 

I ponder why you’re doing that 

But follow suit thereafter

I don’t understand yet 

Why you’re looking in the mirror

Looking at the magazines 

You seem to hate what you see

You don’t like the arms that carry me  

The hands that stroke my hair 

The legs that I hide behind 

When I am sad or scared 

I don’t understand yet

Why you didn’t try my birthday cake

Why you didn’t want a happy meal

Why the dark bread you ate was ‘light’ 

Why you left in the middle of the night 

But soon it will be my whole life 
To pick apart my body  

To measure every gram and ounce 

And want there to be less 

To tell myself I won’t stop til I fit into that dress 

To squeeze in late night workouts 

Amongst other pressures of life

To turn down things I used to love 

In my everlasting attempt 

To improve my reflection. 

Tell me, honestly,

Did you want this to be my lesson? 

A Lesson in The Life of a Very Stable TEFL Genius

“Okay everyone, sit down.… Can anyone remember what “sit down” means?”

It’s at this point that I realise the little darlings probably aren’t going to listen to me, and most likely will continue to eat crayons and poke each other in the eye for most of the lesson unless drastic action is taken.

I look over at the Chinese teacher, who is supposed to assist me in these moments. She is already several kitty filters deep on WeChat (China’s version of Whatsapp/Facebook/Twitter combined) so clearly I am once again on my own. 

I brace myself.

“Who’s ready for Wheels on The Bus?!?!”

A stampede of little feet rush towards the projector screen in front of which I had stood unnoticed for five blissful minutes. 

Some more excited than others for English class.

Over an hour - and what feels like several hundred renditions of The Wheels on The Bus and Old McDonald - later, I’ve been cuddled, prodded, slapped across the face and kissed multiple times by my class of gorgeous two year old babies. One child won't stop punching whoever stands beside him, one peed themself and another fell over for no apparent reason and started crying. I have one punch-victim on my hip and am bribing the rest of the class to stop running away with stickers. A litter of paper airplanes lie at our feet, a failed attempt at a worksheet involving colouring in/tracing the letter F. Right now I can think of one or two choice words that definitely wouldn't have been appropriate for the phonics portion of this lesson. Judy (the Chinese teacher) is showing no sign of intervening and bringing an end to the class that was only supposed to be half an hour long. Another punch lands. I think it's time to admit defeat and put on Peppa Pig. 

Same.

In China, children as young as two attend school and whilst I am sure this has many educational benefits on down the line, it definitely doesn’t make things easy for the first time TEFL teacher who has no clue what she is doing. They have no real idea what this school gig is about yet and as a result can be very unruly. It also takes an extreme amount of energy to help them with every simple task or exercise. As well as holding English lessons (for which expectations of the students are crazy high) I also usually have to chip in with spoon feeding, clothes changing, wiping up after and wrangling the class during dance and PE lessons. Good job they’re cute. 

“Teacher Laura, what about the homework sheet?” Asks the Chinese teacher, still holding her phone aloft. 

I look at her incredulously. These kids can barely hold a pencil. 

Before learning just how young my class would be I had amassed a selection of activity books and worksheets. I soon realised however, that seeing as they couldn’t yet write in their native language, it was unlikely they would manage full sentences in English. So far we had just been learning the alphabet and simple instructions/vocabulary through songs, games and the occasional colouring-in sheet. 

Front - back: Making a paper airplane with homework. Tracing hand on homework. Eating crayon. Thinking about eating crayon.

I pull out a cut and stick exercise relating to animals. 

“I was thinking maybe they could do a ‘match the sentence’ homework today.”

Haha. You can try that one in your Chinese class Judy. 

“Okay everyone, say thank-you Teacher Laura.”

A chorus of “Than-you teach-ah Lola” rings out. I side-eye Judy, wondering how on Earth she thinks they’re ready for sentences when they can’t even say my name yet.

Safe to say I am exhausted, and it's not even 9am (school starts before 8 o'clock here). But their big beaming faces, looking up at me like I am the coolest teacher ever makes it all feel worthwhile.

Teaching Wan Wan important life skills, like selfies.

JAN 2018 - I know at times my humour is quite deprecatory. Hopefully in future I will have time to compile a post about all of the amazing things there are to do/see/experience in China on your one day off a week. Yes it was tiring, and frustrating at times, but looking back at this time from my current desk job, I can 10/10 confirm that it was much more interesting and rewarding. It was an unforgettable experience that I will always cherish. The kids especially will always hold a special place in my heart. Their energy was really what kept me going. Furthermore, I can muster up a whole lot more sympathy for a crying two year old than I can for most grown-ups who phone into the EA.

Sure slap on some sudo and he'll be fine.

So. Cute.

Not what I had in mind when telling Melody to dream big...

007 Pounds An Hour

(Please note: This is not my actual salary)

When I uploaded my 100% factually accurate CV to the ‘registration’ page of the recruitment agency’s website, I didn’t have high expectations. Every job going seemed to require an awful lot of qualifications, including one I came across for a school library that listed 5 years of experience and chartered librarian certification as ‘essential’. It is safe to say I did not expect things to move quickly. By the end of the week, however, I had an admin-based job lined up close to home and for a better wage than that offered by B&M Bargains (my only other option at this point, having been turned down by KFC). As someone who likes sitting down a lot, this sounded perfect.

A contract was posted out to me to sign on to become a ‘mobile agent’ and the following Monday I got suited and booted for my first day. Landing in the door, my English degree came in highly useful as I deciphered which sign pointed towards the main reception. I was delivered to an office and the manager sent for. It seemed to be going well. But I am potentially the least lucky person ever, so of course this didn’t keep up for long. The manager popped in. “Sorry darling, it’s just, we’re not expecting you” she said in a lush Manc accent. EH?

Therefore my much anticipated first day was spent casually filing forms away whilst silently panicking that my Amazon Wishlist would have to be deleted if I was told not to come back tomorrow. Thankfully, the agency contacted HR who contacted my manager to say that I was supposed to be there and they had just forgotten to tell her. Tuesday night I ordered myself a 2kg tub of coffee to celebrate. 

It’s definitely not easy going in to a new office and learning the ropes, but thankfully I am a very charming/naturally confused looking individual and people seem more compelled to chat and offer you a biscuit if you look a bit perplexed.

The best bit of any job is of course dealing with the public…… 

I’ve discovered that people genuinely think that it’s correct to write 1th, 2th, 3th, 4th when listing dates, and that the best response to someone being a nuisance is to inform them that you’re new and you’re going to pass them on to someone with more experience to handle their issue. Wonder how long I can get away with that one? 

My actual role is to process transport applications for school students. Or as my friend so eloquently put it “you do bus passes”. Not to jump the gun here, but an email came around advertising the post of Senior Director for the department, so I might not be bus pass girl for long.

In all seriousness, if any one is struggling with job seeking I definitely recommend signing up to a recruitment agency as a way to get a foot in the door. 

Ar-nt-ya A Pretty One

Let me start by saying I am a huge Game of Thrones fan. In fact my adoration, nay, devotion to the show often blinds me to some of the little niggles that others comment upon or dislike. Having studied Medieval Literature at uni, it is a world in which all of my favourite things are presented in one epic package: castles, politics, innuendo, strong characters and swordfights. But despite this, one line in the most recent episode really bugged me. Right down to my 'swords arent just for boys, not all little girls want to be princesses' core.

In the midst of the tear-inducing reunion between Arya and Hot Pie, the moment where the sassiest Stark learns that (part of) her family survives and she is not as alone in the world as she believed, the baking boy wonder comments that he can't believe he once bought into the idea that Arya was a boy.

"You're pretty." He states.

Pretty???

The youngest Stark daughter has been something of a maverick ever since her debut in season one. Shooting arrows instead of perfecting embroidery, playing with swords instead of dolls and forgoing the fashion and fancies of Kings Landing to learn fighting footwork, she has been a breath of fresh air amongst the WAGs of Westeros.

From there she escaped from beneath the nose of the Lannister army, infuriatingly just missed out on running into her sister in the Vale before independently travelling across the seas and learning the ways of the Many Faced God.

Unlike pretty much every other female character in the show she has never been presented as an object of male desire nor as a bargaining tool in the games of 'great' men. She has been different, she has been relentlessly herself - fiery, headstrong and independent. As sweet a moment as the writers may have meant to create in the scene with Hot Pie, and as gorgeous as Maisie Williams is, that is not what her character has ever stood for. So why all of a sudden the unnecessary, inutile remark on her appearance?

Update: Sandpits and Schedules

  A few weeks ago, my schedule in one of the kindergartens which I went to twice weekly, was extended by two hours each day to include an hour of standing at the gate greeting parents in the morning and extra classes in the afternoon. In China, this kind of thing does not come along with any prior warning or extra pay. You are just told the night before and expected to go along with it. I am not sure, but it looked as though the school had a new principle, who apparently thought she wasn’t getting her money’s worth. Despite every class I did being photographed and filmed she insisted the parents were unhappy that they didn’t get to see more of their children’s English teacher and so I needed to arrive and leave when they would be at the school to see me. They didn’t take much notice, let alone say hello.  

Best teacher ever.

  Last week I arrived one morning to be told not to do any lessons that day but to simply go out to the front of the school and organise some games to play with the children. The whole thing was to be photographed professionally (I had no makeup on, so that was great) and the pictures used to promote the kindergarten. Throughout the afternoon, in an OCD horror story, I was asked to 'play' in a sandpit as the children were lined up and positioned around me class at a time for more PR pictures. The next day they told our company they no longer needed an English teacher.

"It's getting everywhere."

  So this week, I will have a 2.5 hour commute to a new school, instead of a nice little 30 minute journey. And I am still brushing sand off my bed. The joys.

Going to miss these little faces.

  On Fridays I now have another regular school, which is actually pretty great. 8 short classes and 2 playground activities but it’s only 10 stops on the metro so I can go home at lunch for the first time since I arrived here. Playground activities used to be my nemesis, but since discovering a video of the Frozen characters doing The Cha Cha Slide it’s been going a lot smoother.

The school lobby.

  Saturday and Sunday I spend in a training centre. This is easily my favourite teaching location. The owner, Sandy, is absolutely lovely and as the kids are a bit older and of a more advanced level I can actually introduce them to some grammar and do more interesting (read: nerdy) activities. One thing about teaching 2 year olds is that you have to keep everything very simple, and for me it gets just a tad boring. I still have some Early Learning classes but it’s nice to have this balanced out by some classes where the kids are able to respond and discuss instead of repeating the question back at you. I loved learning languages at school and wanted to be able to plan similar lessons to those I had enjoyed so much. With the older students I can do this. With toddlers it’s just a lot of Duck, Duck, Goose and trying not to laugh when they almost swear instead of saying ‘fork’.

Can't say fork. Can't use fork.

  Schools here have a bit of a reputation for not paying for external services so doubtless my schedule will change again before long. Although it can be annoying when you have established a rapport with a class and suddenly are sent somewhere else, I actually like the changes in pace and environment. It keeps it interesting, and I get to see more places, meet more people and collect more stories in this crazy country that is slowly stealing my heart. 

To see more of my experience click here.